Antibiotics Files, Part 1

Every person on earth tells lies, excluding maybe yet-to-be canonized saints and Al Franken. We say things we know are not true, things we think are true that are not, and things that that just pop into our head, their truthfulness unimportant. We say things that are off-base and misguided. Not all these are equally abominable, but all require some sort of recognition of fault, in my opinion.

My Confession:

In my last post I wrote in my “Quick Facts” section: “The common cold is a virus, not a bacterial infection. Antibiotics cannot cure your cold. You know this; stop playing dumb and asking your doctors for them anyway.”

This was off-base and misguided. People are not asking doctors for antibiotics. Doctors are shoving them down our throats.

Last week, I made my own doctor visit for a sore throat I had had for ten days. I sat on the paper covered bed, opened wide as the Physician’s Assistant cocked her lit magnifier towards my throat and nodded, zombie-like, when she said “That looks bad. Let’s get you on antibiotics.”

Six days into antibiotics, my throat looks EXACTLY THE SAME AS IT DID WHEN I STARTED. Swollen, discolored and helpless.

So why did I fall for it? Why, even after her rapid strep came back negative, did I not say “Um, are you sure, lady?” Why was I able to say that so confidently to my roommate when she offered me her unused Amoxicillin pack, but choke when the PA prescribed the same thing? Why?!? Because although my P.A.’s answer to my question of whether or not this would work was not a definite yes, it was a definite “I hope so and am banking on it.” Her hope rubbed off on me. I abandoned my wariness of the drugs. I was on board the antibiotics train because she was. I wanted to go where she was going.

In fact, the rail attendants shoved me off in "antibiotic misuse hatred" land, which is a far cry from "fully healed thanks to antibiotics!"-ville, but really not that far from where I started. A week into antibiotics my sore throat pain is just as intense as it was before. With my Ibuprophen supply dwindling, I decided to finally go homeopathic; (my inability to do so earlier is probably why this thing mutated so severely in the first place). I did a few salt gargles, but they reminded me too much of accidentally lapping sea water while trying to soothe an expanding sunburn at a crowded beach. I tried an apple cider vinegar gargle. That one led to seething pain and a whole bunch of extra swollen-ness. The morning after apple cider, I wondered if my throat would ever feel normal again.

Then I tried a cayenne pepper gargle. Its slight sting, lingering tingle and subsequent numbness was the trick I was looking for.

I have since adopted the cayenne as my pain-reliever of choice. I carry my concoction around in a pink travel mug, to work, the movie theater, friends’ houses. My mug has become my own version of an a smoker's cig pack. I always have it within reach. When feeling slightly detached from conversation I catch myself drumming it with my finger nails, my gaze drifting as I compute the shortest distance to a location socially acceptable for me to gargle and spit. It has truly become the only source of relief I’ve found in this seemingly endless infection.

As I trudge it out, I continue to take my antibiotic pills three times a day. They are like the placebo pills of a birth control pack, except that the introduced antibodies would mutate into suberbugs if I didn't take them.

I will take them all. I will not let them beat me, and I will not board that train again.