Is it Love or Heart Failure?

Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire Elizabeth Taylor was hospitalized last Friday for Congestive Heart Failure. She has officially been suffering from CHF since 2004. My unofficial theory is that she has been showing symptoms her entire life. The symptoms of CHF are strikingly similar to those of being in love, which Elizabeth Taylor did a lot.

CHF is when blood can‘t make it away from the heart and into the far reaching nooks of the body. Causes include high blood pressure, narrowed arteries, a past heart attack, congenital heart disease or a past heart valve problem. Meanwhile, Phenylethylamine (PEA, or “love chemical”) is an alkaloid, or chemical with a nitrogen base, that occurs naturally in the brain. It is released with highest frequency during the early stages of a budding romance, the first 6 months to three years.

A symptomatic breakdown:

CHF--Rapid/irregular pulse. Blood is flowing into the circulatory system at half its normal rate (35% verses 65%).
PEA--Running pulse. You’re thinking about sex.

CHF--Shortness of breath. Not enough oxygenated blood is making it to the lungs.
PEA--Heavy breathing. Still…thinking about sex.

CHF--Weight gain. Your metabolism is slowing with the lack of blood flow.
PEA--Heady emotions. “Do I look fat in this dress?”

CHF--Swelling of feet and ankles. The blood is just not flowing there.
PEA--Sweaty palms and shaky knees. Um, it’s a stretch.

CHF--General restlessness. Your heart is sick!
PEA--General restlessness. Your heart is sick!

What can we take away from this? Very little, if anything. Happy Valentine's Day. And shout out to the single ladies.